i'm marrying a doctor.

The concept that life is meant to be enjoyed is something most Indians fail to register. Rather, I feel they largely endure life, and are conditioned into following predictable, often mundane paths.

For once, I am not speaking of those living below the poverty line; their plight is another challenge altogether. Instead, I am writing specifically about a more fortunate group of Indians, who have choices and opportunities – but sadly fail to avail of them.

Indians are largely risk averse, generally opting for safety and security. This is hardly surprising given extensive poverty seen in India. Unfortunately, this mentality is not only amongst the poor, but it has passed through all classes of Indian society.

This failure or hesitation to take risks has propelled many Indians into a life of mediocrity; making them incapable of reaching their true potential and making life more difficult to enjoy. I’ve identified the reason why most Indians endure life, choosing conventional paths …

PRESSURE.

Most Indians are under extreme pressure from their infancy, where 3-year-olds are made to sit formal interviews for admission into nursery schools. This pressure then follows them through another 15 years of schooling – where at every level students are made to ensure stressful competitive examinations and ranked amongst their peers.

However, what makes this experience even more insufferable is the unrealistic performance pressure imposed on children by overbearing parents. Many parents are less interested in the psychological welfare of their children, and more in their ability to maintain a high grade-point-average, so their kids stay ‘on top of the class.’

A sad testimony to this is the 1000’s of young people across India that commit suicide each year to ease themselves from this strain.

Does this sound like an enjoyable childhood?

Much of this pressure is societal because of the level of competition seen everywhere in India. However, most of it comes from the family unit – who involve themselves in every decision of their children’s lives, from education and choice of careers, to marriage, and having (and raising!) children.

The Greek Philosopher Epicurus stated that one of the main tenants of happiness was freedom – which in India is generally restricted for most. Certain expectations are ‘imposed’ upon young people in India; often hampering their ability to form a identities of their own. This follows them throughout their life.

I see examples of this is every day; adults that are fearful of making a career change, starting a business, undertaking some form of social work or even taking time off to travel – all because their families will be critical of them. This may be the case, however, many adults use their family pressures as an excuse not to take risks.

One of the most worrying outcomes of confining an individual’s freedom is their loss of creativity – which I believe the most unique gift we have.

I met some parents last week who have a daughter that just finished her schooling. She is a talented musician, singer with an interest in theatre.

When her mother was asked what she was interested in pursuing at university, she declared: ”if my daughter had it her way she’s be studying something media-related, maybe mass communication – however, we are doing our best to get her into a dentistry course – there is no future in those fields she is interested in!"

The thought of following a path that involves any inherent risk will almost always be discouraged. I often ask parents this: “What is the point of sending your kids to the best schools and universities in the world if you can’t trust them to make their own decisions as to their future?" Any Indian parent will tell you it is out of love they control their children's lives. I find a great sense of irony in that claim.

I certainly believe that parents play a crucial role in helping their children make decisions regarding their future. However, what I have found in India, is that this involves less discussion and more direction. Parent's have to appreciate that young people have minds, and dreams of their own. And what they want, may not be what their children want or enjoy.

The concept of autonomy is something most people reading this post in Australia can relate to. Parent's there are comfortable in leaving their children to make decisions as to what they wish to study, what professions they wish to follow, and whom they wish to marry. They are aware that they children may make mistakes, but see this as a part of their personal growth.

It is distressing to see that in this day and age Indian parents cannot see beyond engineering, medicine, MBA’s and other related fields. Even matrimonial advertisements here are almost always seeking brides and grooms with such qualifications … and marrying a doctor is still regarded as the ultimate accomplishment!

Parents, to compensate for their own inadequacies, live vicariously through their children in India: “My son is now an Ultra Super Senior Manager at Global-Hyper-Tech Corporation; he always got top marks at school and college, he has a beautiful wife, and a huge salary!” Whether or not he is enjoying his life is secondary, and will rarely rate a mention.

Why are so many people dissatisfied in the work they do (and this is not just in India)? Because they find themselves engaged in pursuits that do not reflect their potential and stifle their creativity. Any talents or dreams they may have possessed in the past, literally diminishes. Sadly in India, this degeneration begins during childhood, when children are openly discouraged from spending time in activities that are not considered academic.

I understand that due to the level of competition in India, jobs are scarce and professional qualifications are important, however some people are just not destined to follow the 'MBA-TYPE' path. If parents don’t encourage children to take risks and follow their interests, their children may be missing out on enjoying their LIFE.

Due to the level of competition, and high unemployment, 60-plus working hours a week is generally the norm in most industries. Imagine spending your professional life, engaged in something you derived no enjoyment from?

A passionate designer will have a more enjoyable working-life pursuing his or her craft, than being forced into becoming an electrical engineer. No amount of financial compensation can alter this.

There is no simple solution to this pressure epidemic, that not only follows people through their lives, but will also affects future generations.

As a teacher I have always encouraged young people to follow paths they are interested in, not simply marketable. An enjoyable professional-life will always have a positive effect on the other areas of one's life.

However, since parents are the ‘decision-makers’ in India, I will direct this same advice to them and request that they ask their children this question:

What do you want to do with YOUR life?

life sampler.

Since finishing high school some time ago I’ve ‘dabbled’ in a wide assortment of vocational undertakings. I have seen and experienced much during this period. When I reflect upon this time, I am certain the real reason I have not been able to stay focused in one area is that I am yet to embark on anything that I have found significantly challenging.

However, now the time has arisen for me to consolidate these life experiences and create something meaningful. Having such diverse experiences has not only enabled me to determine the kind of endeavors I would like to partake in the future, but also eliminate those activities I wish to shirk.

Today, I can’t envisage myself ever wearing a suit and tie, dealing with an overbearing superiors, or having to ‘apply’ to someone to take leave. And, the thought of spending my days suffocating in a small office developing strategies to increase soap sales in a designated region is hardly motivating.

I am yet to identifying the exact area in which I hope to involve myself, however, I can say with some certainty it will be related to the education system here in India. However, I hope to spend less time in the classroom and more on developing strategic initiatives. There will be no shortage of challenges with the work I am intending to undertake.

Whilst working towards this goal (and living in a place like India!) I am sure to have many crazy, entertaining and downright bizarre experiences … especially when it comes to meeting girls!

If you are interested in hearing these, then please visit this blog through my site rohitverma.net weekly!

Jobs and courses I have 'sampled' over the years …

1. Completed High School
2. Started a Law Degree
3. Sales Assistant at a Retail Store
4. Commerce Degree (Majoring in Marketing & HRM)
5. Masters Degree in Business Systems
6. Media Planner at an Advertising Firm
7. Commercial Real Estate Agent
8. Migration Agent's Course
9. Web Designer
10. Human Resources Consultant
11. Mortgage Sales Consultant
12. Commercial Laundry Washer
13. Waiter at an Indian Restaurant
14. Telecommunications Business Development Manager
15. Post-Graduate Degree in Education
16. Sale Assistant at a Commercial Furniture Store
17. English Tutor
18. High School Teacher
19. Today: A Certified Practicing Ideas Man (CPIM)

subway eat less.

Customer service is something I have always taken for granted in the Australia, and having spent my early working days at a department store, I've learnt a thing or two about it. In Australia, when we don’t get the service expected we can be sure that a letter of complaint will address our grievances. Usually it is only old people (like my father!) that have the time to pen their objections to corporate complaint departments – but the point is someone will listen, and take action.

However, the concept of customer service is something that has yet to take off in India – and it is usually only those who have been abroad that can notice the disparity. If you have a complaint, then you can rest assured no-one will listen, and if someone does pay you the courtesy to listen – they will almost never care enough to act.

I’ve been here long enough not to have too high expectations. A few years ago I used to get slightly annoyed with service levels; however today, I am starting to find my experience nothing short of comical!

This is what I observed when I walked into the Subway (an International fast food chain) recently.

1. The store was empty of customers – but 5 staff were 'on duty’
* Too many staff for a store of that size

2. I waited 2-minutes to be acknowledged by a staff member
* He was too busy doing paperwork, which could have waited

3. My order was taken, then I was told to wait for another staff
* He could have made my sandwich himself

4. The new guy then proceeded to serve me
* He took his time getting started (more into the TV that was on)

5. I was offered me salt and pepper I said "NO thanks" clearly
* 30 second later he forgot and put salt and pepper in!

6. I assumed he would give me a new roll
* He proceeded to scrape off the salt / pepper into a tissue!

7. I told him it would be a better option to make a new roll
* He proceeded to do so reluctantly

8. I decided to settle the payment for my order during this time
* The 'paperwork guy' complained that he had no change

9. I told him that this was not my problem
* He managed to find the change

10. He handed me a huge wad of notes and change
* I checked my bill and I was charged twice and much

11. I asked for my money back and left the store
* I didn’t feel like eating there after all the commotion

12. I went to Domino’s next door!